Last weekend I attended a memorial mass and dinner at Roo’s hometown.
There were couple things about the mass that did make me twitch a little:
– The hymms posted on the placards for us to follow were completely different from those that they went over.
– I had a flash of jealously when I saw three teenagers leave the mass thirty seconds earlier than they should have.
– I was also extremely jealous when everyone went up to get their “Jesus cracker,” because I was starved at that point.
Mass ended after an hour, and the majority of the church people walked across the lawn over to Roo’s house.
I immediately ran to the beer bin, thinking it would be the fastest way to “eat” something. As I fumbled with the bottle opener, I heard cupboards opening. It was as if on cue, all of the suburban mothers started whipping out their appetizers from various hiding places within the house. It was a bit strange. It was also intimidating.
My appetizer was probably the ugliest salsa I’ve made or seen. Ever. Woeful that I hadn’t listened to Roo’s mother’s suggestion of making hummus, I kept sampling other people’s dishes, hoping Roo would forget about what I had brought.
As the party went on, and the appetizers dwindled, Roo remembered about the salsa we had stashed away in the basement fridge.
“Hey, what about your salsa? You should bring it out.”
“No. It’s ugly.”
“But it’s delicious, c’mon.”
Roo grabbed me by the hand, and he dragged me we went downstairs to go get it.
I looked at it again, horrified. We don’t own any serving bowls in our apartment, so I had thrown it all together in my go-to mustard colored mixing bowl. The colors of the creamy avocado mixed with the salsa, against the mustard background made me nauseous.
“It’s HIDEOUS!”
“No, no it’s not.”
I stomped back upstairs with Roo, and hid behind him as he asked his mother for a “more appropriate” serving bowl. She looked completely overwhelmed, but stood on her tip-toes and dug one out from the back of the cupboard for me anyway.
It still looked hideous.
We placed it in the center of the appetizer table, and I waited, not daring to look at it.
People walked by, some questioned what it was, but all actually tried it. And then, exclaimed it was delicious.
There isn’t a photo of the salsa, but here’s a photo of Stinky in a box instead.
Ingredients
1 jar of an acceptable salsa (I used Trader Joe’s chunky) and yes, tomatoes are best, but hey, it’s April
2 avocados, cut into 1/2 inch chunks
1/2 jalepeno, diced
1/2 red onion, diced
2 limes, juiced
1 tablespoon minced cilantro (optional)
Equipment
A sharp knife
A medium-sized bowl
Throw contents of the jar of salsa, chunks of avocados, diced jalepeno and onion to the bowl. If you would like to add the cilantro, do so. Add the freshly squeezed lime juice. There should be enough sodium in the store-bought salsa to season the rest of the ingredients, but after mixing the components together, have a taste and decide. If it needs more, add salt to taste.
It’s going to look ugly as sin. But, be brave. Many have attested to it being delicious; including a bunch of judgmental housewives.
Liz Lemon Nights 