Dear Young Singleton,
Perhaps you came across this page, hoping to find some nekid pics of Liz Lemon. Sorry to disappoint, but while you’re here, can we talk about a couple things? Like, what not to say to girls¹. I can’t exactly tell you what to say, but if you avoid the following, you may be able to avoid another night alone Googling ‘What’s under Liz’s shirt.’
1) Are you really going to wear that?
I was, until you looked at me like I was rolling around in cheese. Now I hate clothes. All the clothes.
2) Don’t you have enough shoes?
THERE ARE NEVER ENOUGH SHOES! (wipes drool from side of mouth)
3) Are there going to be any guys there?
Yes. It’s actually brothel. And you’re so not invited.
4) You should definitely get a gym membership.
Now I’m just going to spite-eat these cookies while picturing your face melting off. In yoga pants of course.
5) Are you going to eat all of that?
Yes, and so should you. It’s delicious. Asshole.