Roo turned down the car radio. “Do rappers realize that some of their lyrics make no sense?”

“You mean when Chingy raps that he likes, ‘black, white, Puerto Rican or Haitian, like Japanese, Chinese or even Asian?”

“Even Asian?”

I opened my purse and pulled out a ziploc bag. “But that’s not even close to Mase rapping, ‘Young, black and famous, with money hanging out the anus.”

“No. The best is Dre’s ‘Never let me slip, cause if I slip, then I’m slippin.’”

I laughed, tearing the soda bread bun in two and handing a half to Roo. “What does that even mean?!”

Roo grabbed the bun and shrugged, “At least they’re direct, even if it doesn’t make sense. Like Chris Brown singing, ‘I’m gonna make you wet the bed.’ Class act.”

“Ugh, who says stuff like that!?” I groaned, “I still can’t believe Rihanna’s back with He Who Must Not Be Named.”

“Did you just compare Chris Brown to Voldemort?”

“I’m convinced he appears like Beetlejuice if you say his name three times.”

“That’s how I feel about Kesha.”

“You mean you don’t like to feel ‘like a sabertooth tiger, sipping on a warm Budweiser?’”

Roo turned the radio back up. “I want my ring back.”

.

Adapted from Melissa Clark

Makes 8 Buns

-

Equipment

A small mixing bowl

A fork

A large mixing bowl

A whisk

A spatula

A flat surface to shape the dough on

A sharp knife or pastry scraper, floured

A baking sheet lined with parchment paper or greased

-

Ingredients

1 tablespoon of white vinegar (you could use apple cider vinegar)

Two thirds of a cup plus 4 tablespoons of unsweetened, unflavored almond milk (you could use soy)

1 tablespoon of ground flax seed

1 cup of all purpose flour (plus extra for rolling and for your hands)

1 cup of whole wheat pastry flour (if you don’t have any, just use 2 cups all purpose total)

One and a half teaspoons of baking powder

Three quarters of a teaspoon of baking soda

One eighth of a teaspoon of fine sea salt

Quarter of a cup of sugar (this makes a slightly sweet bun)

3 tablespoons of cold butter, cubed (I used Earth Balance)

Two thirds of a cup of dried cranberries

Zest from one large orange (I used one the size of a softball, but I really love orange zest)

-

Place the oven rack to the middle position in the oven.  Preheat the oven to 375F.

Add the vinegar, almond milk and ground flax seed to your small mixing bowl. Mix the ingredients together with a fork and set aside.

Add the flours, baking powder, baking soda, salt and sugar to a large mixing bowl.  Whisk the ingredients together till well combined.  Add the cubed butter to the flour mixture and work it in using your fingers till it forms coarse crumbs.  Make a well in the center of the flour mixture.

Pour the wet ingredients into the dry and stir till just combined with a spatula. Add the dried cranberries and orange zest. Fold the ingredients into the batter till just combined (it’s going to be shaggy and wet).

Turn out the dough onto a lightly floured surface. This is a damp dough, so take care to throw some flour down. Shape it into about a 7-inch round (about an inch thick).  Cut the round into 8 wedges (I used a pastry scraper with some flour thrown onto its edge. Remember, it’s a damp dough, but don’t worry! It’ll turn out.).  Sprinkle a bit of flour onto your hands and shape each wedge into a ball.  Transfer them onto a prepared baking sheet and bake for about 20 minutes, or golden and firm.

Allow the buns to cool for 10 minutes before serving.

“What’s going on with your…” Roo started, waving a fork towards the vicinity of my face.

“You mean this?” I asked, pointing at my eyes.

“Did you…are you trying something new?”

“What, you don’t appreciate the Clockwork Orange look?”

Source

“It’s just,” he paused, “different.”

I looked down, pushing the polenta onto my fork. “It’s what happens when your eyeliner pencil breaks mid-application at work.   I got my left eye done and then the tip broke off when I was starting on the right.”

“Why didn’t you just wash it off?”

I sighed. “Well, that would have been the obvious thing to do.”

Roo furrowed his brow.

“You know how I am in a panic.” I said, between bites, “I ran back into the office and tried to sharpen the pencil.”

“With a pencil sharpener?”

“With a blunt pair of scissors.”

“It looks fine.” Roo replied, turning his head slightly, trying to hide a smile.

I sighed, grabbing a napkin and dipping it into my water glass.

“What are you doing?”

I started wiping off the botched makeup job on my right eye, “Trying to fix it.”

“Babe, I don’t even know why you put on makeup.”

“What are you talking about?”

“It’s like,” he paused, “you’re like Beyonce. She looks even better without makeup. Unlike Nicki Minaj who just needs more and more piled on.”

“I don’t know whether to be more surprised about the Beyonce or the Nicki Minaj reference you just made.”

“Fine. It’s like this dish,” he said, tilting his plate of mushrooms and polenta forward. “It doesn’t need a whole bunch of stuff piled on top of it to make it better. It’s just great the way it is.”

I smiled. “You know I would have preferred Rihanna, right?”

.

Adapted from Plenty

Serves Two (Maybe Three)

-

Equipment

A sharp knife

A medium sized saucepan (or pot) with lid

A long wooden spoon or spatula

A large skillet

A large plate

-

Two and a quarter cups of low sodium stock (I used homemade vegetable)

Half cup of polenta

1 tablespoon of olive oil

16 ounces of cremini (baby bella) mushrooms, chopped (you could use white)

3 garlic cloves, minced

One and a half teaspoons of dried thyme

1 teaspoon of dried rosemary

Salt and pepper to taste

-

Add the stock to a medium sized saucepan and place over a burner on high heat. Bring it to a boil, then reduce heat to low.  As the stock simmers, add the polenta.   Cook, stirring constantly with a spatula. The polenta is done when it starts to leave the sides of the pan but is still somewhat runny. It should be smooth, having the consistency of thick porridge (it’ll probably burp at you when it’s ready).  Remove from heat, cover with a lid and set aside. (Check the bag that your polenta came in to see the recommended cook time. Depending on the grain you used, the time will vary greatly {fine grain versus coarse}).

While waiting for the stock to come to a boil, add a tablespoon of oil to your large skillet. Place the skillet over a burner on medium high heat.  When the oil starts to shimmer, add half of the chopped mushrooms (enough to cover the bottom of the skillet, but no more, so you may have to do less than half depending on the size of your pan) to the skillet.  Cook, untouched, allowing the mushrooms contacting the bottom of the pan to caramelize (about three minutes). Flip the mushrooms over so that the other side browns (you can use the spatula to flip them manually). Once both sides have browned, scoop out the mushrooms with your spatula and place them on a large plate (try to keep as much oil in the pan as possible).  Repeat the mushroom cooking process until you’re on your last batch.

Once you’ve browned the second side of the last batch of mushrooms, add the other caramelized mushrooms (on the large plate) back to the skillet. Add the garlic, thyme and rosemary.  Stir the ingredients together, cooking, until fragrant (about a minute).  Remove the pan from heat.

To plate, divide the polenta between two plates, then top with the mushrooms.

Taking classes at night is a whole other animal compared to my glory days of undergrad. After a long day I have no patience for students who only like to hear the sound of their voice. Perhaps that makes me the worst kind of classmate, especially after muttering, “I kill you” when one of my peers asks his eighth non-question.

Nighttime lecture-hall manners are kind of an anomaly: like getting stared at while I licked the lid of my yogurt clean. It was as if my row-mates were accusing me of reenacting a very (very) awkward porno scene; although it was a lid to a 32 ounce container (about the size of my head).

The worst is when you’re seated next to an incessant desk tapper,

source

a Red-Bull-drinking-open-mouth-breather

source

or God forbid, the I’m-kicking-the-back-of-your-seat-because-I-want-to-see-you-turn-into-my-very-own-fun-sized-Hulk.

source

But there’s hope.

Sharing snacks in class is kind of an icebreaker.

And when you break bread with your classmates, they totally will join you, hating on that guy that won’t stop clicking his pen.

Just stop, guy. Seriously.

.

This is a slightly sweet bread, with just a touch of rum. It’s fantastic for toast. The crumb is a bit coarse, but easily soaks up a slather of butter. If you can wait to eat the next day toasted, please do (sliced thick).

Adapted from bills food

Makes 1 Loaf

-

Equipment

A small mixing bowl

A whisk

A large mixing bowl

A spatula

A 9×5 loaf pan, greased and floured (or lined with parchment paper and greased)

A wire rack (or a large plate)

-

Ingredients

2 tablespoons of ground flax seed

One and a three quarter cups plus 2 tablespoons of unsweetened unflavored almond milk (you could use soy)

Quarter cup of dark rum

Two and a half cups whole wheat pastry flour (you could use all purpose)

2 teaspoons of baking powder

Quarter teaspoon of fine sea salt

1 cup of granulated sugar (this makes a barely sweet cake. If you’d like something sweeter, use one and a half cups)

One and a half cups of unsweetened flaked coconut (Do not use shredded coconut.)

6 tablespoons of plain yogurt (I used low fat soy. Do not use nonfat.)

-

Place the oven rack to the middle position in the oven.  Preheat the oven to 350F.

In a small mixing bowl, add the ground flaxseed, almond milk and rum. Whisk the ingredients together till well combined. Set aside.

In a large mixing bowl, add the whole wheat pastry flour, baking powder and fine sea salt.  Whisk the ingredients together till well combined.  Add the sugar and flaked coconut.  Whisk the ingredients together till well combined.

Make a well in the center of the dry ingredients.  Pour the wet ingredients into the dry, mixing them together till just combined (I used a spatula to avoid getting the coconut caught in the whisk). Pour the yogurt into the batter and fold it in, scraping down the sides and then back up the bowl with a spatula to make sure that everything is incorporated.

Scoop out the batter into your prepared loaf pan.  Bake for about an hour fifteen minutes to an hour and a half, or until a cake tester (like a toothpick) comes out clean when inserted into the middle of the bread.

Allow the bread to cool in the pan for about five minutes. Then, cool the bread until room temperature on a wire rack.

Best served in thick slices (the day after), toasted with butter (I like to use Whipped Earth Balance).

I’m convinced I’m going to be found in our apartment trapped under three years of Rachael Ray magazines. They’re stacked high on top of our bookcase, next to the back issues of Martha Stewart Living, unread.

I can’t bring myself to throw them away. Who tosses out the secrets to an amazing souffle or how to make a ribbon wreath just in time for the holidays? I’m obviously assuming what’s in those magazines as I have yet to open a single issue.

I blame Costco. They’re the gateway to buying things you don’t really need. Where else would I gain the mindset that I need to buy three years of Rachael Ray Magazine?

There are, of course, worse things you could buy in bulk. Like three hundred rolls of toilet paper. Who needs three hundred rolls of toilet paper? Or rather, where would you store them without it becoming a hazard in your home? Being found under a year supply of toilet paper is far worse than a bunch of magazines. It leads to questions like, “Why did you need all of this?  Are you feeling alright?” as the person eyes your bathroom.

It was at Costco where I stumbled upon a case of tofu.  Ok, stumbled is a stretch. I practically ran into the place, glass eyed and salivating. With my mother’s club card in hand, I was ready to spend some money. I mean, save money. That’s the purpose of a wholesale club, right?

An hour later I came home with a full trunk and a receipt that took about a minute to print out at the register.  (And maybe a “possible fraudulent alert” sent to my Gmail from my credit card company.)

“No one needs a case of tofu,” Roo said, as he helped me lift the bags out of the trunk.

“I’m half Asian. Of course I need a case of tofu.”

No one needs a case of tofu.

A pan fried tofu recipe with a spicy and sweet sauce however, is something of a necessity. Just don’t buy a case worth of ingredients, ok?

-

Adapted from This Can’t Be Tofu by Deborah Madison

Serves 2 (Maybe 3)

-

Equipment

A sharp knife

A couple pieces of paper towel

A small mixing bowl

A whisk

A large skillet

Tongs, chopsticks (you could use a spatula…the flipping kind)

A spatula (the scraping kind) or wooden spoon

-

Ingredients

One third cup of orange juice

One third cup of low sodium stock (I used vegetable)

1 teaspoon of sugar

Quarter teaspoon of ground cumin

Quarter teaspoon of ground cinnamon

Half teaspoon of ground cayenne (This is a bit of heat. If you’re sensitive to spice, start with an eighth of a teaspoon)

1 pound block of extra firm tofu

1 tablespoon of mild tasting olive oil

To serve: rice and a handful of chopped cilantro (optional)

-

Place the tofu on its side (skinny side down) and cut it in half. Then lay the tofu down flat (on its wide side), keeping the layers together, and cut it width wise in half. Cut the halves again in half (width wise). When done you should have 16 pieces. Set aside.

In a small mixing bowl, add the orange juice, stock, sugar, ground cumin, ground cinnamon and cayenne. Whisk together until well combined. Set aside.

Add one tablespoon of mild tasting olive oil to the large skillet and place over a burner on medium heat.  When the oil starts to shimmer, blot the sections of tofu with a piece of paper towel before adding them to the pan.  Cook the tofu till golden brown (about six to seven minutes). Then, flip the pieces of tofu over and cook the other side till golden brown (about five minutes).

Pour the orange juice mixture into the pan.  Allow the sauce to reduce and simmer, stirring occasionally with your spatula, for about two minutes, then flip the tofu over.  Continue cooking down the sauce till your desired thickness (I let it go for about another minute).  Remove the pan from heat.  Serve immediately over rice (don’t forget to scrape out the sauce!) and garnish with cilantro.

I hate pedestrian crosswalks.

Not the ones you can cross by your own free will, but those that require you to press a button.

I just…can’t.

When I look at it, I see the man who didn’t wash his hands, the child who just wiped their nose, or the woman who picked up after her dog.

I see a germ here,

here,

and here.

And then exponentially increased because we all know there’s an epidemic of gross going on down there.

So I adapt.

I cover my hand with my shirtsleeve. Sometimes I use my purse. I’ve even used my hip to press that damn button.

And yet.

If I’m at party, and there are communal snacks, I’m ok with it.

Hands diving into a bag of chips? No big.

Only want half of that cookie? That’s cool, break it in half and we’ll share.

Grab a handful of granola? Just make sure you have it with some coconut yogurt too.

Just don’t ask me to hit the crosswalk button on our walk home.

.

This decadent granola has a wonderful crunch from the toasted almonds and clusters of oats, pumpkin seeds and coconut; all bound together by agave. It’s only a little sweet, with just a bit of brightness from the dried raspberries.

-

Adapted from Have Cake, Will Travel

Makes About 3 Cups

-

Equipment

A small mixing bowl

A large mixing bowl

A whisk

A (scraping) spatula

A rimmed cookie sheet (I line mine with parchment paper for easy clean up)

A (flipping) spatula

-

Ingredients

Wet

Quarter cup of agave syrup (you could use maple syrup)

1 tablespoon of mild tasting olive oil

1 teaspoon of vanilla extract

Dry

1 cup of old fashioned oats

Quarter cup of whole wheat pastry flour (you could use all purpose)

Quarter cup of unsweetened, shredded coconut

Half cup of unsalted almonds (or nut of your choice. Those are just my favorite.)

Quarter cup of unsalted pumpkin seeds

Quarter teaspoon of fine sea salt

One third of a cup of dark chocolate mini chips (you could use any chocolate of your choice, but chopping them will make them melt faster/easier if they are not mini chips)

1 cup of dried raspberries (if you can’t find these at your grocer, you could use dried cranberries or chopped dried cherries)

-

Place your oven rack to the middle position of your oven.  Preheat your oven to 350F.

Pour the light agave, oil and vanilla extract into your small mixing bowl.  Whisk the ingredients together till well combined. Set aside.

Add the oats, flour, coconut, nuts, seeds and salt to your large mixing bowl. Stir the ingredients together till well combined.  (You can use your whisk again after a good clean, or your spatula.)

Pour the wet ingredients onto the dry.  Fold the ingredients until they’re well coated.

Pour the mixture onto your cookie sheet and spread it out evenly with the back of your spatula.

Bake the granola for ten minutes.

After ten minutes, remove the granola from the oven and flip over the granola in parts (with the flipping spatula) so that the browned side is face up.  Bake the granola for another ten minutes, or until the granola is golden brown.  (Note: the granola browns quite quickly the second time in the oven, so keep an eye on it towards the seven to eight minute marker.)

Remove the granola from the oven.  Working quickly, add the granola back to the large mixing bowl.  Add the mini chips and dried raspberries to the bowl, and fold them in so that the chocolate melts/coat the granola.

Allow the granola to cool to room temperature (leave on parchment paper) prior to eating/storage.

I tend to do things despite knowing they’ll have a bad outcome.

For one, I have to listen to a song I love, loud. In the car, on my iPod, even at our apartment, it has to be turned all the way up. Never mind that some are ballads that make Roo question our relationship.

It may have to do with my yelling, “Oh my God! So much feels!” when they come on.

And they’re all by Rihanna.

Texting while drinking is another; sending messages to people I haven’t talked to in years.

Do you think they want to read ‘Let’s catch up!!!!!’ at 1 a.m with five exclamation points? If they do, well, that’s why I haven’t talked to them for so long. Weirdos.

But the worst is watching reruns of Gossip Girl during my lunch break. (Um, I watch it for the music and fashion.)

Sometimes, I get caught and am forced to bribe my coworkers with baked goods. It’s the only way to keep them from telling me who Gossip Girl is.

Please don’t tell me who Gossip Girl is.

Wait, is it Little J?

No no! Don’t tell me!

Here, have some bread.

.

This bread has a lovely, crackly crust, while the inside is soft, lush and filled with chunks of partially melted chocolate. It’s only slightly sweet and great toasted the next day with a dollop of peanut butter.

Adapted from Rosemary and Thyme Bread

Makes 1 Large Loaf

-

Equipment

A stand mixer with a dough hook (you can use your hands, it’ll just take longer)

A large mixing bowl (used twice)

A whisk

A flat surface to knead dough on (a cutting board will suffice)

A dutch oven or a heavy large pot (must be oven safe at 450F and not have a thin base)

A sharp knife

-

Ingredients

One and a quarter cups of warm water (about 110F)

Two and a quarter teaspoons of active dry yeast

Half cup of sugar (This makes a slightly sweet bread.)

4 cups bread flour

2 teaspoons of coarse sea salt

Extra bread flour (to knead with)

One third of a cup of chocolate chunks or chips (I prefer dark as there’s a touch of sugar in the dough itself)

1 tablespoon and teaspoon of olive oil, divided (to coat bowl and dutch oven/pot/loaf)

-

Pour the warm water into the stand mixer bowl. Add the yeast . Swish the ingredients around gently. Set the mixture aside for about 5 minutes. The mixture should foam and froth after 5 minutes. If not, chuck it into the bin and start over with new yeast.

In a large mixing bowl, add the flour, sugar and salt. Whisk the ingredients together till combined.

Add the flour mixture to the yeast mixture.

*Don’t add the chocolate chunks! It’s coming, just wait.

Knead the ingredients together, using your standing mixer with the dough hook, on low speed for about 10 minutes. (Be sure to ‘lock’ your mixer down.) If you’re kneading the dough with your hands, expect to do so for about double the time.

The dough ball should be smooth, supple and not sticky when ready. As you knead (whether by hand or by stand mixer), if the bread dough seems too ‘wet’ add a bit of flour to help it along.

During the mixing, the dough ball will actually clean off the sides of the bowl. If the dough ball is still wet and there’s plenty of flour left on the sides of the bowl, it’s not ready.

Place the dough ball into the large mixing bowl. Place plastic wrap over the top and allow the dough to rest in a warm, non-drafty spot until it has doubled in size (about an hour).

After the dough has doubled in size, place the oven rack to the middle position in your oven and preheat your oven to 450F.

Remove the dough ball from the bowl and place on a flat surface to knead. I find my wood cutting board works just fine with a handful of flour thrown on.

Knead the chocolate chunks into the dough, by hand for about 2 minutes, or until the chocolate is evenly distributed. Chunks are a bit harder to knead into the dough than chips. If you see any chunks poking out, try tucking them back into the dough as best as you can. If the chunks start tearing your dough, try pinching the dough back together and knead with a gentler touch.

Add a tablespoon of olive oil to the bottom of the dutch oven. Place the dough ball into that oil puddle.

With a sharp knife, slash a deep cross into the dough. Drizzle a teaspoon of olive oil on top of the dough ball.

Place the lid on the dutch oven and bake for 25 minutes at 450F. Remove the dutch oven from the oven. Reduce the heat to 400F and remove the lid carefully (be cautious of any steam). Bake the bread uncovered for 15 minutes at 400F.

Remove the dutch oven from the oven and allow the bread to cool (while still in the dutch oven). Remove to serve at room temperature.

“I may have referred to myself as an STD today,” I said, sitting down next to Roo on the couch; my purse and gym bag still slung over my shoulder.

Roo furrowed his brow. “You what?”

“You know how I haven’t been able to take my favorite spin class because of the Lexington job?”

“Yes.”

I sighed. “Well, I finally went. When I walked into the studio, my instructor exclaimed, ‘You’re back!’ and I replied -”

“Do I even want to know?”

I looked down at the floor and muttered, “I’m back. Like herpes.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

Roo shook his head. “No. Just….no.”

“Then I said I made her a loaf of banana bread.”

“I’m guessing she wasn’t too excited to take it from you.”

“She looked at me as if I had put my hair in it.”

“Well-”

“I know!” I whined.

Roo patted me on the back and removed my purse and gym bag from my shoulder.

“Oh, thanks.”

“No problem,” he replied, as he opened my purse.

“What are you -”

Roo looked up. “I’m looking for the banana bread. So what if you put your hair in it.”

.

I didn’t put my hair in it.

This banana bread has a lovely soft crunch.  You can add millet, sesame seeds or even chia seeds, depending what kind of texture you’d like.  I love that it’s a hearty loaf; loaded with mashed bananas, yogurt (I used soy), and a bit of fruity olive oil.  The brown sugar gives it a bit of depth, although you’re more than welcome to use just granulated sugar if that’s all you have on hand.

-

Adapted from 101 Cookbooks

Makes 1 Loaf

-

Equipment

A medium mixing bowl

A whisk

A large mixing bowl

A spatula

A prepared 9×5 inch loaf pan

A wire cooling rack (or a large plate if you don’t have one)

-

Ingredients

2 tablespoons of ground flax seeds and a quarter cup plus 2 tablespoons of warm water, mixed and set aside

2 cups of whole wheat pastry flour (you could use all purpose)

Quarter cup of uncooked millet (you could also use sesame seeds, or nothing at all for a basic banana bread)

Three quarters of a teaspoon of baking soda

Quarter teaspoon of fine sea salt

3 very ripe bananas, mashed (about one and a half cups)

Half cup of brown sugar, packed (this makes a slightly sweet cake, if you’d like something sweeter, use three quarters of a cup)

Quarter cup of plain yogurt (I used soy. I would not recommend light or fat free.)

Quarter cup of mild tasting olive oil

1 teaspoon of vanilla extract

-

Place the oven rack to the middle position in the oven.  Preheat the oven to 350F.

In a medium mixing bowl, add the flour, millet (or sesame seeds), baking soda and salt. Whisk the ingredients together till well combined.

In a large mixing bowl, add the mashed bananas, brown sugar, yogurt, olive oil, vanilla extract and flax seed mixture. Mix the ingredients till smooth and well combined.

Add the dry ingredients to the wet, folding them in until just combined. Scrape down and back up the sides of the bowl with the spatula to make sure that the ingredients are evenly incorporated.

Scoop the batter into the prepared loaf pan and baked until golden brown, about an hour, or until a cake tester (like a toothpick) is inserted into the middle and comes out clean. *Please be sure that your cake is done, otherwise it’ll sink in the middle as it cools.

Allow the cake to cool in the loaf pan for about ten minutes, then turn the loaf out of the pan onto a wire rack to cool completely.

Serve at room temperature. If you can wait till the next day, it’s better than the day of.

“I think you may have an unhealthy obsession with Rihanna.”

“Is it because I told you if Rihanna asked me to run away with her, I would?”

Roo took a bite of bruschetta and nodded.

“Well, I had to warn you…in case if you saw us together on TMZ.”

“Really. TMZ?”

“It could happen. Anyway, it’s just a girl crush! You know, where you greatly admire someone -”

“Probably too much?”

“No such thing,” I said, rolling a roasted tomato back onto my bread. “Certainly there has to be someone you’re crushing on.”

“Like a man crush?”

“Yeah, like an athlete or an actor you’re obsessed with. Oh! Like Tom Brady.”

“While I greatly appreciate his Jedi-like skills, no.”

I tapped my finger on my plate. “I got it.”

“I don’t think so. I don’t have a guy -”

“Pedro.”

Roo stopped mid-chew. “Martinez?”

“You’d totally run away with him to a deserted island.”

Roo set his bruschetta down and folded his hands together. “Yes, yes I would.”

I laughed, picturing Roo and Martinez taking turns burying each other in the sand.

“You know why?”

“Because you greatly admire pitchers? Particularly ones that have played for the Sox?”

“That and he’s incredibly talented. He’s also pretty laid back and has a very diverse group of friends.”

“You’ve obviously thought this through.” I paused. “If you were asked, would I be invited?”

“Would I be, if Rihanna asked you?”

I smiled. “Obviously not.”

.

This is an autumnal take on bruschetta. The caramelized onions are sweet, full of body, giving balance to the roasted tomatoes that have maintained a bit of their acidity.  Placed on top of garlic-rubbed toasted bread, with a bit of basil, it makes a meal that seems both comforting and light.

Inspired by Giada De Laurentiis

Serves 2

-

Equipment

A sharp knife

A large skillet

A spatula

A roasting pan (if you’re worried about your ingredients sticking, give it a good rub with a little olive oil poured onto a paper towel)

-

Ingredients

2 tablespoons of olive oil, divided

2 large onions, sliced

2 handfuls of cherry tomatoes

1 cloves of garlic, minced

1 teaspoon of red pepper flake (if you’re heat sensitive, start with a quarter teaspoon)

Salt to taste

4 thick slices of your favorite bread (make sure your slices are thick and that the bread is somewhat substantial so that they won’t collapse under the weight of the ingredients!)

1 clove of garlic, whole (optional, to be rubbed on the warm toast)

Quarter cup of fresh basil, chopped

-

Place the oven rack to the middle position in the oven.  Preheat the oven to 400F.

Place the cherry tomatoes onto the roasting pan.  Drizzle the tomatoes with one tablespoon of olive oil, then add the minced garlic, red pepper flake and salt to taste. Toss the ingredients together then set aside until the oven is preheated.

While you’re waiting for the oven to preheat, add the other tablespoon of olive oil to your skillet and place over a burner on medium heat.  When the oil starts to shimmer, add the sliced onions and salt to taste.  It’s going to look like there are too many onions.  Don’t worry, they’ll break down as they cook.

Toss the onions so that they’re evenly coated with the olive oil. Cook the onions, stirring occasionally until they’re deeply browned (ie caramelized); about twenty minutes.

While you’re cooking the onions, hopefully the oven has preheated.  Bake the tomatoes for about fifteen minutes, or until they’re sizzling, bursting and golden brown in appearance. If they finish before the onions, remove them from the oven and set aside.

Once your tomatoes are roasted and your onions have caramelized, throw your bread into the toaster, till it’s light brown.

To serve, rub the clove of garlic on each piece of warm toast (optional).  Add the onions on top.  Add the tomatoes on top of the onions, then the basil. The more toppings, the better.

Serve immediately either with a knife and fork or be daring (open wide) and eat with your hands.

It’s hard making friends after college. The pool of new people drastically decreases, there’s usually a lack of liquor conversation, with the majority having more interest ‘pinning’ a cookie that’s inside a cupcake that’s inside a pie, than attempt to fill the awkward silence.

It’s not like you can knock on people’s doors to see if they want to be friends. That’s how you get your pic trending under #creeper on Twitter.

Which may explain my desperation behavior at my new job.

“Ohmygod. I love Rihanna too!”

Lindsay turned around and removed her earbuds. “What? I couldn’t hear you.”

“I said, ‘I love Rihanna too.’”

“Ok.”

“We should be friends.”

Let’s be clear, I don’t walk around my neighborhood, trying to hear what’s playing on strangers’ iPods. Instead, I’ve convinced myself that a new job is like college, but with paychecks. You know, an absolutely proper place to make new friends.

“Do you do yoga?”

Amy took a sip of her tea. “Sometimes.”

“I noticed that you wear leggings a lot-”

She set her mug down on her desk. “You’ve been noticing…what I’ve been wearing?”

“I do yoga too!”

“Um-”

“We should be friends.”

I’m surprised I haven’t been reported to HR. ‘Noticed what you’re wearing?’ She looked at me like I said, ‘it puts the lotion in the basket.’

“You had soup for lunch yesterday?”

“Yeah it was leftovers.”

I pulled two Tupperware containers from my purse. “I brought you some soup I made last night. It’s roasted red pepper.”

“Oh…I already ate.”

“It’s 10 a.m.”

“Like I said-”

“You eat lunch at ridiculously early times too?”

“Uh-”

“Be my friend.”

.

I love making soup. You only need one pot and whatever veg you like. What results is a warm, filling meal (most of the time).

The roasted red peppers give the soup a bit of smoky sweetness while the blended potatoes, add a creamy mouthfeel, complimented by the tanginess from the yogurt (I used soy). If you don’t have an immersion blender, that’s ok.  You can use a countertop blender.  But be careful.  The steam and hot soup can erupt through the lid (when you blend), so be sure to protect your hand with a kitchen towel.

Adapted From Creamy Broccoli Soup

Serves About Four to Six

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Equipment

A pair of tongs

A roasting pan

A medium sized mixing bowl and plastic wrap to cover

A sharp knife

A large pot with lid

An immersion blender or a countertop blender with lid

A ladle

A kitchen towel (if you’re using a countertop blender)

-

Ingredients

4 medium red peppers

1 tablespoon of mild tasting olive oil

1 large onion, diced

2 stalks of celery, diced

2 carrots, diced

3 large potatoes, diced (about a pound)

1 clove of garlic, minced

Half to 1 teaspoon of dried thyme (depending if you’d like to the thyme to be the hero or not of the dish)

Quarter teaspoon of chili powder

4 cups of low or no sodium broth (I used vegetable)

Salt to taste

Quarter cup of plain yogurt (I used soy)

-

Blacken the bell peppers by placing them over or under an open flame. You can use a gas burner, an oven broiler or even your grill.  If you’re using an oven broiler, place the peppers in a roasting pan and then under your broiler flame.  Keep a close eye on them and rotate them with your tongs so that all sides get black.

Place the peppers in a medium mixing bowl and cover the top with plastic wrap. Allow the peppers to sit and steam for about fifteen minutes, or until cool enough to handle. The skins should easily peel off.  Remove the skins, seeds, stalks and discard. Chop the red bell pepper flesh roughly.

Pour a tablespoon of olive oil into the large pot and place over a burner on medium-high heat.  When the oil starts to shimmer, add the diced onion and celery, cook until translucent (about 3 minutes).  Add the potatoes and carrots and cook for two to three minutes (so that they soften just a little and maybe get a bit of color too), then add the garlic, thyme and chili powder.  Cook until the spices become fragrant (about a minute).  Add the roasted red pepper flesh and broth.  Stir all the ingredients until evenly distributed throughout the soup.  Cover the pot and bring the soup to a boil.  Reduce the heat so the soup simmers, and cook covered until the potatoes are soft.  (Depending on your dice size, about twenty minutes.)

When your potatoes are soft, remove the pot from heat.

If you have an immersion blender, hand blend the soup until it reaches the consistency you like (I like some potatoes and carrots left whole for texture). If you do not have have one, ladle some soup (I make sure that all the red peppers get blended but some potatoes and carrots remain whole) into a blender.  Do NOT fill the blender more than halfway or else it will explode back out at you. Be careful. Personally, I would fill it up a quarter to a third of the way if this was my first time blending soup.  I learned the hard way the first time and had it explode all over my hand.

Place a folded kitchen towel over the lid with your hand (to protect your hand holding down the lid) and start the blender on low.  Progress to the highest setting and blend until smooth (for me it takes seconds with my KitchenAid).

Return the blended soup back to your pot and stir in.  If it’s not the consistency you like, continue blending until it is.  For me, I blend about half of the soup in a blender (six ladles).

Add salt to taste. Need a bit of creamy, tanginess? We did. Add the yogurt and stir in.

Dear Young Singleton,

Perhaps you came across this page, hoping to find some nekid pics of Liz Lemon.  Sorry to disappoint, but while you’re here, can we talk about a couple things?  Like, what not to say to girls¹.  I can’t exactly tell you what to say, but if you avoid the following, you may be able to avoid another night alone Googling ‘What’s under Liz’s shirt.’

1) Are you really going to wear that?

I was, until you looked at me like I was rolling around in cheese. Now I hate clothes. All the clothes.

2) Don’t you have enough shoes?

THERE ARE NEVER ENOUGH SHOES! (wipes drool from side of mouth)

3) Are there going to be any guys there?

Yes. It’s actually brothel. And you’re so not invited.

4) You should definitely get a gym membership.

Now I’m just going to spite-eat these cookies while picturing your face melting off. In yoga pants of course.

5) Are you going to eat all of that?

Yes, and so should you. It’s delicious. Asshole.

.

It may be the beginning of fall, but there’s plenty of summer corn around at the farmers’ markets. This soup is creamy from the blended potatoes, a bit sweet from the corn, with just a hint of earthiness from the thyme and pairs wonderfully with crusty bread.  As the days get shorter and the nights get cooler, I crave nothing but soup to prepare me for the hard months ahead.

-

Adapted from Creamy Broccoli Soup

About Six Servings

-

Equipment

A sharp knife

A large pot with lid

A ladle

A blender or a hand immersion blender

-

Ingredients

1 tablespoon of mild tasting olive oil

1 large onion, diced

2 ribs of celery, diced

2 medium carrots, diced

2 medium potatoes, cut into chunks (about a pound)

1 big garlic clove, minced

1 teaspoon of dried thyme

1 bay leaf

4 cups of low (or no) sodium vegetable broth

3 ears of corn, shucked and kernels cut off the cob (about three and a half cups)

1 cup of unsweetened unflavored soy milk

Salt and pepper to taste

-

Add the oil to the pot and place over a burner on medium heat.  When the oil starts to shimmer, add the diced onion and celery.  Cook, stirring occasionally, until the onion and celery become translucent.  Add the carrots and potatoes, stirring them in to incorporate into the ingredients.  Cook for about five minutes, stirring occasionally, until the potatoes and carrots start to brown a little.  Add the minced garlic and thyme.  Stir to incorporate into the ingredients.  Cook until fragrant (about a minute).

Pour in the broth.  Bring the broth to a boil, then lower the heat so that the ingredients are at a simmer.  Cover the pot and simmer about twenty minutes (or until the potatoes are almost soft).

Add the corn to the pot, stirring the ingredients so that everything is evenly distributed.  Cover the pot and allow the soup to simmer for another ten minutes (or until the potatoes are soft and the corn is cooked through).

Remove the pot from heat.

Add the soy milk, stirring into the soup so that everything is incorporated.

With an immersion blender, blend about half of the soup, or to the consistency that you wish (I like to have some bits left whole in my soup).  If you don’t have an immersion blender, ladle some soup into your blender, but be careful to not fill more than half way.  Lid, cover with a towel (to protect your hand), and immediately blend (do not let steam build up in the blender or else you may risk of eruption and burning your hand!).  Add it back to the soup, and continue this until the soup is down to the consistency you desire.

Add salt and pepper to taste.

¹ Roo has never said any of these things to me. My exes however are another story.