Creamy Avocado Pasta in 15 Minutes!

It occurred to me last week that I’m turning 31 (welp) and I haven’t had a physical in years.  That, and my dentist’s office had officially reached stalker status, calling me every week to see if I could come by for my very overdue cleaning.  So, I made last Wednesday my “annual day.”  You know, minus that awkward lady appointment.

That afternoon I arrived at the dentist’s office, flossed and ready to be told that I had zero cavities.  Unfortunately, after an hour driving into the suburbs while chugging a venti latte, I had to go to the bathroom.  Like, I absolutely cannot hold it while you tell me to “rinse and spit,” kind of urgency.

I checked in with the receptionist and made my way to the back of the office.  When I opened the bathroom door, I found the dentist.

“Oh hey…”

Going to the bathroom.

Oh, NO!!!

I could have died.

Why didn’t I knock, you ask?

Well, why wasn’t the door locked, I ask.

But wait! It gets better.

How to Make Coconut Milk Whipped Cream

Oh look, another followup post.  This time to Banana Bread with Bittersweet Chocolate and Candied Ginger.

Don’t you love these?

I know, you were probably hoping for another Ryan Gosling post, but I’m selfish.

Because I want Ryan all to myself.

Actually, I don’t.

Yes, I’m probably the only female (in the world) who doesn’t find Ryan Gosling attractive.  In fact, I’m a little pissed that I can’t say, “Hey Girl” to my friends anymore without them replying, “Totes Amaze!”, “Hashtag, IheartRyanGosling!” or “Why haven’t you seen Drive yet!?! Are you even American?”

But enough about Ry-Gos.

Let’s talk about coconut whipped cream.

It’s light, luscious, slightly sweet, and just barely coconut with the warmth of vanilla shining through. It’s perfect folded into chocolate ice cream, dolloped on top of hot cocoa and I love sometimes, sometimes I can’t picture life without having it spooned onto cakes, brownies, or even eaten straight out of the bowl.

In less than five minutes I can make myself a treat to eat while still in the kitchen, pretending not to hear Roo ask, “whatcha making?” from the other room.

I’m sure if I said “Ryan Gosling,” he wouldn’t mind me keeping it all for myself.

Banana Bread with Bittersweet Chocolate and Candied Ginger

I have this fear.  A completely irrational fear that only an obsessive planner, type A, control freak like myself could only come up with.

I’m afraid that I’m going to be a “Crunchy Mom.”

To me, a “Crunchy Mom” is basically one who strives to have their family live clean (like chemical free), healthy lives.

And what’s wrong with this?

Well, two things, 1) I’m not married and 2) I’m not pregnant.

I should have no concerns about this whatsoever.  (I told you, it’s completely irrational.)

But after watching this You Tube spoof on Shit Girls Say (if you haven’t seen the original yet, where have you been!?), I couldn’t help but relate to what those women were saying.

For instance, I saw Business of Being Born.  Again, I’m not even pregnant.  I don’t know why the film called out to me from our Netflix queue, but it did, and I watched it.

And I liked it.

I found it super informative, even though I’m slightly traumatized from watching Ricki Lake give birth on film.  Gone are the memories of Ricki prancing around on set in her oversized blazers during the opening credits.  Instead, vagina.

I also rationalize a $20 maple syrup purchase from Whole Foods. (Because it’s Grade B.  Of course.)

I love coconut oil and I have asked Roo if my shirt “shows my back fat.” The two may be related.

And while I don’t hush Roo so that I can focus on “my kegels,” (No.) a lot of this looks scarily foreseeable.

When I explained all of this to Roo (because he made the mistake of asking me, “what’s on your mind, Babe?”), he knew what to do.

He listened, “I mean, am I going to have a ‘Chicken Pox Party?’ My mom took me to one of those when I was a kid, and we all know how I’m going to turn into my mother.”

He smiled, “And I love full fat stuff. LOVE.”

He sat me down, “I’m just so….I don’t know. Everyone is having babies!  My Facebook newsfeed is basically telling me to have babies.”

And put this in front of me.

*I feel totally better.

White Chocolate Chip Pancakes with Raspberries

“You’re like the hoarder of light bulbs.”

“You never know, this may be a collector’s item one day.”

“Really,” as I reach for the lightbulb to toss it into the trash.

“Hey. Hey! Don’t touch my lightbulb!”

“Roo, it’s garbage!”

“No, it’s my precious.  PRECIOUS.”

This is what I have to deal with.  But there’s an upside.

We’re having pancakes for dinner.

Sure, you can have your *King Cake, but you know what?  That little plastic baby Jesus freaks me out.

Seriously, how can you enjoy your cake when somewhere, lurking inside is little plastic baby Jesus, waiting to choke you.

And technically, is today called King Cake Day?  No, it’s Pancake Tuesday, and eating this

is way more fun than having this,

Vanilla Citrus Pound Cake

Roo is on school vacation this week.

Translation: “I’m going to pout about having to go to work and try to wake you up at 6 a.m. anyways.”

Sighing heavily when the alarm sounds, stomping around the bedroom in the dark, then accidentally turning on the lights, may or may not have happened this morning.

I’m a real treat, I know.

But, for what I lack in manners, I make up for with cake.

You can totally apologize for not being a “morning person” with cake.

Accidentally throwing away your boyfriend’s $100 Xbox headset because you thought it was broken? And it totally wasn’t?

How to Make Almond Milk

Last week I tweeted about my new found love for Peanut Butter Cheerios with homemade almond milk.  I was a bit surprised when a few of my friends asked me for a recipe, because, well hello, these Cheerios are life changing.  And almond milk is you know, just this slightly nutty, creamy medium with a hint of vanilla for the Cheerios to swim in.

Ok, so it’s a bit more than a medium.

I also promised I would post this week, so here I am, sharing my version of “How To Make Almond Milk.”

Because that’s what I, will do for you.

And by you, I mean myself, because that’s what a narcissist gets, as no one wants to read material that’s all about me me me.

But isn’t that what blogging is all about?

Hey Girl, Ryan Gosling Is Here For You

Hey Girl,

Is your man all sad because the Pats lost the Super Bowl last night?

Did he spend the evening wandering the house, unresponsive and not wanting to come to bed?

Are you worried that he has gone into that place called “man sadness,” and may not be back for a long, long while?

No big.

Ryan Gosling will take care of you this month.

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That’s right.

Time Warner Cable decided to make Ryan Gosling available to all women of America, by instant access On Demand.

Kids running amok? No worries. Ryan Gosling is great with kids.

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Want to finish reading The Help, but you’re afraid of the ending?

Ryan Gosling is super sensitive. He’ll be right there with you when Aibeleen tells Mae Mobley, “”You is kind. You is smart. You is important.”

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Because you know what, you is important.

So get out of bed! Let your man mourn.

But pick up your phone.

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Because Ryan Gosling is calling to make sure he got your latte just right.

Pumpkin, Molasses, Cranberry and Golden Raisin No Knead Toasting Bread

“I can’t believe you said that! Now I’m going to have to eat my feelings in peanut butter.”

“Sometimes I think you try to find things I say offensive, just so you can find an excuse to eat peanut butter.”

“……I can’t believe you said that! Now I’m going to have to eat my feelings in peanut butter!”

“Like I said.”

Roo may have a point, but I’ll never admit it.

Would you?

…Don’t answer that.

One of my favorite ways of eating peanut butter is standing by the kitchen cupboard and eating it out of the jar with a spoon.  I swear it tastes 10 times better this way.

I also love it on classics like toast.  Practically burnt toast with a dollop of peanut butter has been my breakfast for the majority of these bitterly cold mornings  (it’s 24F as I type).  This sticky, crunchy, lip smacking treat makes waking before sunrise almost bearable when paired with a hot cup of tea.

I said almost.

This past weekend I made a couple loaves of a recent favorite: pumpkin and molasses with dried cranberries and golden raisins.  It’s a great toasting bread, where the natural sugars from the pumpkin and molasses have this wonderful crunch; almost caramelized with an ever so slight, sticky chew.  It’s chock full of raisins and cranberries, but I love that the pumpkin still shines through.  Spices like cinnamon, nutmeg and ginger enhance the pumpkin’s warmth, but notes of caramel that can be tasted in the squash naturally make it a perfect partner to deep, lush molasses.